I am a perfectionist (those who know me gasp in mock surprise). So normally I would not show people my progress on this painting until I had it looking better, but I thought that showing the reality of an artist's process could have value. This painting, which is supposed to depict the bark of a ponderosa tree, currently looks like a bunch of melted slices of pizza. Yes please laugh at it because I am laughing at it too.
I have officially reached "The Ugly Stage."
Every single painting I have ever created has gone through "The Ugly Stage." I will be progressing steadily with a painting and feeling good about it, when suddenly the entire painting seems to go to pieces. The harder I try to fix it, the worse it gets until I have to throw in the towel and walk away. This stage can be extremely discouraging, especially on a piece like this one where I have put weeks of effort into bringing it to life. At this point, there are two options, I could scrap the painting completely OR I can embrace the artistic mistakes.
In high school, I had an amazing art teacher who told me that all mistakes in art are artistic mistakes. All you have to do is embrace them and figure out how to work with them. Using this motto, I save 99% of my paintings. However, there is that 1% that I scrap because I no longer feel it... and I think that's ok too.
This painting has gone SPECTACULARLY ugly. Today was not my day. I don't know why but it literally felt like I was wrestling with the paint. The oil paint felt sticky and didn't want to go on the canvas. My brush wouldn't make the shapes I was asking it to. The colors I was trying to mix kept turning out wrong. I spent a full two hours trying to get into my flow until I finally accepted defeat. Today this painting decided to fight me and it won, but I am not going to be discouraged. I will take a breath and come back to it later. Who knows why today of all days this just didn't work. Maybe my paint is getting old, maybe the paint thinner was not the kind I needed to be using, or maybe (and most likely) my mental state wasn't where it needed to be to progress this piece.
I hope this reaches someone else today who struggled. Someone else who felt like today was not their day. It's ok. Give yourself a break. Just because you underperformed today doesn't mean you've lost your talent. Give yourself a break and I bet you'll find your spark next time.
Sending my love to you.